A Thing I'd Like to Say: Sick of Sympathy

Sadly I've not said this spiel because I like to keep my working relationships with people at least civil if I can manage but I simply can't stand this.

"Yes, I know you managed to slice your finger open through an act of your own stupidity. That's what happens when you pick up shards of glass with your bare hands. Next time put on some gloves or make use of a dustpan or something because if you cut your finger again I know I'll have to listen to this garbage for another two weeks. You cut your finger and it's horrible and it bled a lot and band aids leave sticky residue on your nails and obviously nobody else you know has ever experienced a paper cut or any kind of other laceration or puncture wound ever in their entire lives so obviously every time you see them you must not only update them on the status of the healing progress and how much it still hurts but also regale them with the story of how it happened over and over and over again until they want to further injure you just so you will shut up about your tiny little cut and complain about something else at the very least! I know it must seem absolutely inconceivable to you that anyone could have been in a comparable amount of pain before and that they don't have other things they'd rather do than listen to your desperate bids for sympathy but I have news for you: They have and they do. The reason I don't bring up the time I stabbed myself in the shin all the way until I felt the serrated knife scraping over bone or the time I split my thumb open on a ill-placed french chef's knife or the time I got gall stones or the eight million paper cuts, bramble scratches, glass lacerations, cat scratches and other injuries I've sustained in my life at every opportunity is not because they happened in the distant past or because I wish to avoid setting off a pity party but because, fancily enough, nobody cares. That's right. Nobody cares so suck it up and shut up about it already before you offend an amputee that happens into the store or something. Seriously."