A = B, B = C, A =/= C ?

When does variable A equal variable B and variable B equal variable C but variable A does not equal variable C? In cooking. And other conversions that make use of the same units to measure weights as well as volumes. The problem comes in because cooking equipment is set up for liquid volumes but ingredients are packaged by weights. So if you get an eight-ounce package of bread crumbs not all those bread crumbs are going to fit in one cup even though a cup is eight ounces. Not unless you could somehow make those crumbs into a liquid of the same density as water- because that is the real problem. Eight ounces of water and eight ounces of crumbs weigh the same but the density is different so you end up with a whole lot of difficult questions for your math teacher that he will not be happy answering.

This conversion problem has come up many times without my thinking about it. I've made a lot of fudge in my life and over the course of dozens of batches I've found out that making fudge on a day with low enough barometric pressure results in taffy instead and that forgetting the teaspoon of salt ruins the whole thing and that substituting mint for vanilla requires caution because the mint has a higher alcohol content and thus causes a much more intense but still brief amount of boiling when you pour it in. But the recipe I originally used called for a cup and a half of chocolate chips. I asked my mother whether it was important if I actually measured or if I should just put in the whole twelve-ounce package. I couldn't say exactly how that conversation went except the result was that I used the whole package, more because it seemed silly to have half a handful of chips left over than any other reason, I suspect. The fudge came out wonderfully and has come out wonderfully every time I've made it without screwing it up in some other way. However, that same recipe calls for two cups of mini marshmallows and I didn't ask if I should put in sixteen ounces of that instead of packing the marshmallows into the cup twice and ending up with considerably less than sixteen ounces of weight- if I had I wouldn't have ended up with fudge at all.

I was making vegetarian meatballs yesterday (and I say "meatballs" because it's easier and causes less explaining than breadcrumseggsnutschesseballs) and the recipe called for two cups of bread crumbs. When buying the crumbs the night before I had to know how much to get, the net weight on the box said eight ounces so I concluded that I should get two boxes. I babbled this to my roommate as I was cooking. Saying that I had gotten two because I needed two cups and each cup is eight ounces so if I had sixteen ounces of bread crumbs I should be all set. Then I rattled off the obvious algebraic equation. A = B, B = C, so A = C. Or at least it should. In this case I fortuitously decided to measure the crumbs out rather than dumping in both boxes because sixteen ounces of weight would have been far too much volume for meatballs. And it turned out that A didn't really equal C. I decided I had a lot of questions about that.

Except really it's not so much a problem of math as of recipes. There are no standards in recipes and the writers also make a lot of assumptions about the readers. And that's why people who have never really cooked find it so difficult to do. Because recipes are written in an illogical language. A recipe calls for eggs but doesn't say from what kind of animal or what size. A recipe can tell you to beat the eggs. But if you aren't aware that whisking eggs is referred to as "beating" you aren't going to know what instrument, if any, you needed for beating. Not to mention all the inconsistencies in measurements and the set ups for A does not equal C failures.

I'd like to create a logical, standardized recipe system that does not require conversion. After I make this up I suppose I'll have to translate recipes into this new "language", and then convince people to actually use it in the future and then... I wonder if it wouldn't just be easier to make fun of the whole thing instead?