Bad Punchline: Waiting in Line

I realized something the other day and had been waiting impatiently to see one of my coworkers so I could share this observation with her. "I realized something mildly creepy." I started. "You're so hot there's a waiting list to ask you out when you become single again. Two different guys I know have asked to know when you're single again if that happens." True story. Two different male friends of mine have asked to be informed if she becomes single again. Sadly for them she mentioned to me today that she's past the point in her life where she'd be willing to date a non-vegetarian.

Reasons I Might Be Crazy

Some reasons I might be crazy:


I often find myself counting my steps.
When I'm in the grocery store I find myself counting in foreign languages in my head as I navigate around people. When I do this and get to a point I can't remember I switch rapidly to another language and cycle through all the ones I know.
I frequently practice conversations with people in advance.
I frequently come up with comebacks or funny stories to tell in advance.
Even though many things bother me to the point of distraction I deal with them passive aggressively rather than head-on.
I over-plan simple things like bus trips to unfamiliar places and conversations I don't want to have.
I sometimes wait to see if problems will go away before dealing with them.
I carry on conversations with myself in my head. Both talking to and answering myself.
I narrate my life inside my head editing as I go along. You know how Scrubs is narrated? I do that. All the time.
I never stop thinking. My head is always busy.
I tap on things and pace back and forth when I'm uncomfortable.
I go through the same motions again and again when I deal with customers to the point that I even brush my hair out of my eyes at the same points during every transaction.
I come up with optimal PC phrases to say to customers to make them happy and use them over and over again.
I am not fond of greetings.
I am startled when I am referred to by my real name. Especially outloud.
I begin conversations with no preamble.
I talk about whatever I happen to be thinking about at any given time.
I can be quiet for long stretches some times but at others I speak like it's a compulsion.
I have this paranoia that I need to get a MRI to find out if I have Multiples Sclerosis.
I prefer fantasy to reality.