Bullshit Holidays

      Welcome to the start of one of the many bullshit holidays we have in our great United States. I want to make it clear that I have absolutely nothing against Memorial Day itself. I like that we have a specific day of the year just to honor the men and women in the service who died doing their duty and also to honor people who served their country in general. My oldest brother is in the Navy and I know many other people who are in the service as well. I'd like to think that we'd honor them every day but that doesn't happen, obviously.
      What I don't like about Memorial Day is that so many people lose sight of it's actual purpose. The purpose of Memorial Day is to honor those who died for our country, as I said, not to give you a long weekend at the beginning of summer. Similarly Labor Day is not a holiday whose purpose is to give you a three day weekend at the end of the summer. Memorial Day was traditionally on the thirtieth of May but since that only makes a three-day weekend about twice every seven years Congress passed a bill, in true government style, to rectify this horrible error in judgment so that we got a three day weekend every year. The bill, passed in 1968, is called the Uniform Monday Holiday Act and it moved Memorial Day, Columbus Day, Washington's Birthday (often referred to as President's Day) and Veteran's Day (which was later moved back to it's original date after protest) to certain Mondays of the month in which they originally occurred. If you don't believe this shit or want more information you can look it up on Wikipedia.
      When was the last time, when you realized that Memorial Day (or one of the other monday holidays) was coming up and your first thought wasn't related to the fact that it's a three-day weekend or barbecuing or camping? Probably never. You've probably never glanced at the calendar in early May and realized that Memorial Day was coming up and immediately thought of the servicemen who died in Vietnam. I'm sure you have thought about what you would do with that time. Have a barbecue, get a home improvement project done, maybe just enjoy the advent of summer sunshine or even sneaking away on Friday or Thursday and going camping. And you thought of these things in spite of the fact that they have absolutely nothing to do with the designated holiday. Maybe- maybe your first thought was of the local parade your town might have to honor its fallen service members and veterans but most likely the first thing you thought about that wasn't the sad float full of empty chairs with a few scattered Veteran's of past wars sitting stiffly in their starched uniforms. It was probably about the brightly colored floats and maybe remembering when you were a kid and running to grab scattered candy.
      Luckily for you this lacking is not your fault. That's right. The blame can be placed solely on two entities- the Government and Capitalist America. The Government is to blame for being the horrendous, sprawling, bureaucratic entity that it is and wanting there to be more holidays for federal employees (the reason behind the Uniform Monday Holiday Act). Capitalist America, of course, is to blame because they like to turn the tiniest excuse into a giant commercial event. Anything to entice you to buy but especially tradition, children and patriotism. A solemn holiday full of starched uniforms and thoughts of death is much less likely to get you to buy something than three full days off from work or school is, after all.
      As I was writing the first paragraph an ad came on the radio that symbolized all that is wrong with bullshit holidays. It was a Lowe's ad that went something like: "We all know that Memorial Day Weekend is about having fun and getting projects done." No mention of fallen heroes in that tag line. Of course we all know that that's what three-day weekends are all about and please do note the excessive sarcasm. Of course we all work nine-to-five jobs that exhaust and bore us thoroughly and think of nothing more than taking advantage of a three-day weekend to finally paint the dining room mauve and then have a barbecue out back with our new grill. Of course there is nothing more to Memorial Day weekend than having fun and getting some home improvements done.
      So next year at this time, or when labor day rolls around, or tomorrow even I hope you'll all join me in feeling self-righteous and telling all of your friends that have cool plans what a bullshit holiday "Memorial Day Weekend" is in order to put a damper on their fun. Maybe you'll be less vindictive and put an emphasis on honoring our country's fallen heroes. Maybe you'll go to the parade to see the empty chairs. But at the very least I hope you remember reading this as you're water-skiing and that disorienting moment causes you to loose your balance. I hope this because "Memorial Day Weekend" is a bullshit holiday and I know what I'll be thinking about next year. I'll be thinking about people falling off water-skis or hitting themselves in the thumb with a hammer because I like to say that I'm not a very nice person.