Eulogy to Mr. Paperback

A Psalm to Reading

I don't want to hear the empty numbers,
To tell me literacy is in decline.
For the mind is dead that slumbers,
And to that death I would not resign.

Here is the decree: Information is free!
Though genocide is not the mission;
Casualties seem to come inevitably-
One cannot unmake that decision.

Not moving pictures, and not the glowing page
Is the book's predestined end.
But to be read through another age
So that each new generation can comprehend.

Creations live beyond those who created,
And our wits though quick and clever
Without exercizing become outdated,
As they cannot be sharpened with the pull of a lever.

In eddification's field of war,
I fear we've lost another battle,
But today's is not the final score-
And the end is not coming with a silent death rattle.

By rushing blindly to the aid of the meme
They failed to predict the obvious consequence.
They must now mourn the passing of a dream-
And observe the result of action with proper cognizance.

Memories of places now gone remind us,
We cannot turn back an unleashed tide.
But we can hold their nostaliga thus,
And going forth take their glory's side-

So that with them their dream fails to end.
Those to come will know reading's pleasure
And though this all ills does not mend;
It's better than such leisure disappearing forever.

Let us then go forth and read.
And though the bookstore now is dead
Let us in our children plant literacy's seed
So they have the wit to forge the road ahead.

Eulogy is in the style of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's 'Psalm of Life'.




Mr. Paperback, a bookstore chain that was in operation for over fifty years is closing it's doors for good in the coming months. Unlike Borders Mr. Paperback wasn't driven out of business by poor business practices or bankruptcy but rather the decision to get out of what is turning into a failing business. It's become clear that the bookstore may be a obsolete model but the book itself it still alive and well.

Bad Punchline: iDear

If you aren't aware of the stereotypical 'Mainah' accent you have obviously never heard Tim Sample speak. But I forgive you because not only do Mainers not really sound like Timmy Sample but actors in movies always make us sound like we're from 'Bawston' anyway. Despite the fact that Tim Sample grew up in my home town and was actually in the same class as my mother I sound absolutely nothing like he does in his skits. Timmy doesn't either, actually. He does it on purpose for the sake of humor. He is a comedian after all. But because of Timmy Sample there are many 'People From Away' (as we like to call non-Mainers) who believe that all Mainers drop their 'r's mostly at the end of common words so that car would sound like cah and lobster would be lobstah. There are other Mainah accent traits such as saying 'ayuh' (something which I admit I am guilty of) rather than yeah or yes as well as, ironically, adding 'r's in words where they do not belong. I generally try to speak like I understand the English language (or at least the bastardization of it we speak here in America) so the Mainah accent frequently makes me cringe. The part that bothers me the most is when 'r's are added to words where they don't belong. The worst and most common r-adding offense is saying you have an 'idear' rather than an 'idea'. The next time I hear someone say 'idear' I intend to say this: "Oh, I think I've heard of the iDear. It's some kind of new Apple product, right? Like a robotic spouse?"