Blue Hoodie Guy

So there is this guy that we call "Blue Hoodie Guy" because he always wears one. Always. Even in the middle of the summer. He also bikes everywhere and pretty much always wears a helmet over his hoodie even while inside. The company that I work for actually took out a restraining order against this guy a few years back because he was harassing the employees. A while after the restraining order ran out he started to show up in the store again and at first he didn't really hang out in it or anything but at the first sign of harassment the company threatened again to take out a restraining order against him and this time the largest store in the Mall (which is not actually in the Mall proper if that makes any sense but is still part of the same building) agreed to go in on the restraining order, which would have forced him to stay far away from the entire Mall where before he only had to stay a particular distance from the company I work for's actual store front. He volunteered to stay away rather than have a restraining order taken out again.

I can't be certain but it seems like Blue Hoodie Guy bikes all around the city all day every day even in the rain and snow and I've seen him biking around multiple times after learning about his existence and since he was threatened with a second restraining order. But prior to last night he had never seen me while he was biking last night. I don't know if he knew/remembered that I worked at the place that I work as I only saw him there a couple of times or if he just does this with random people. After work last night I needed a few groceries so I went into the store and picked them up and then started to walk home with them. I was walking across the parking lot of the McDonald's (located at the corner of the Mall property) when I heard someone's voice and bike noises and I knew immediately that it was him. Blue Hoodie Guy. Talking to me.

At first he just said "hey" a couple of times, trying to get my attention. And then he asked me, using this exact phrase, if I needed a "bicycle companion". I wanted to laugh. Because not only does that not really make any sense but even if he meant to ask, as I figured, if I needed an escort wherever I was going since I was walking alone in the dark at night I still wanted to laugh. I've walked back and forth to work pretty much every time I've had to work since we moved into our apartment last November. Aside from being asked for money a few times (I'll let you sort out the irony of asking someone walking to work for money on your own) and once being asked if I wanted to hear the word of God today I've never had any trouble on my way home. And judging from some of the stories I've heard about Blue Hoodie Guy having him "escort" me home could very well be much worse than being panhandled or badgered by religious people.

I told him that I was all set and I believe it was then that he told me the first time that his mother was a Presbyterian Minister. Is this supposed to comfort me in some way? I am really uncertain. My mother is a school teacher but that does not automatically mean I can rattle off random historical facts the way she can or have infinite patience to explain something to someone. So why tell me that his mother is a Presbyterian Minister? Unless that is his idea of a pick up line? (And if you just thought 'he might be on to something there' you would be wrong.) He then told me that he was going to Wendy's which is just up the road from McDonald's in the direction that I was heading. He amended this statement to say Wendy's or Burger King (up the road a little ways farther) a few seconds later. He then told me that he used to work at Wendy's but not this Wendy's the one out by the Mall on Stillwater. (Which explains why, when I first told my brother about Blue Hoodie Guy, he knew exactly who I was talking about because he came in there all the time.)

In fact he went neither to Wendy's nor to Burger King. Instead he followed me all the way to my apartment building. I was really hoping that if I ignored him he would go away or go and do as he said he would and go to Wendy's. This was not the case. He followed me and despite my not really talking to him he talked to me and even found time to repeat several things. He said the following phrases word-for-word multiple times: "I know you don't really know me that well", "My mother is a Presbyterian Minister", "I used to work at Wendy's but not this Wendy's the one out by the Mall on Stillwater", "I have ancestor's from Maine", "I lived in England for about five years". He even told me about all the different things he likes to order at various fastfood restaurants.

He was still following when I rounded the corner and my apartment building came into view. I could see both Sean (roommate) and Ryan's (brother of roommate) cars out front so I pointedly commented that both of my roommates were home. When I started to walk up to the building entrance he said: "I know you don't know me very well but do you want my phone number?" I said I did not. And he proceeded to spout it off anyway. Then he said: "You don't want some companionship?" I said no. "Are you sure you don't want some companionship?" He asked me this multiple times as I entered the building and headed up the stairs (the front door is perpetually propped open in the summer and the stairs are right there so I could still hear him. I was on the third set up and he was still asking (from outside, thankfully) so I yelled something that implied that I was sleeping with my roommates (yes, both of them) and disappeared inside my apartment as quickly as possible and fumbled to lock it behind me.

So what did I learn? I need to invest in some creep repellant. I learned that hoping creeps will go away is not effective. I also learned that yelling you are going to have a threesome with your roommates may be the best way to end any conversation.